I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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