mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
