i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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