am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
