I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
