This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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