we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
