After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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