if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
