normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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