What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
