your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
