: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
