it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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