I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
