i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
