Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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