I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish i was in the wii world.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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