he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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