i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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