I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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