i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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