We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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