You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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