I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
