I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
