Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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