so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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