I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
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you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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