i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Come on in and take your pants off
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