no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
