Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
