toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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