Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My balls are so social today.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
