i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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