The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
