Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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