I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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