I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
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this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
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Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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