You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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