i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
