If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
