hotel room ftw
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Pants are for mortals
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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