for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You ruined the universe
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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