At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
