Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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