The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
