Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
