her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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