I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i came on her dog
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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