how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
