OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
