You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
